why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
