SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
