pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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