You just made me feel so damn special
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
