I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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