i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
