paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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