I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
