cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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