i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
