At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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