i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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