Why are handjobs necessary in class?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
