there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
