Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
