ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
