God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Randomize
