I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
