I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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