DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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