there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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