Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
