Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
