Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
