i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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