I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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