my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize