The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
