there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
