it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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