sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
