8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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