dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize