You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
