Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
