how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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