Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
