so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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