i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
