I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
