i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
These tits shall not be calmed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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