I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize