lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize