And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So vagazzling was a success
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
