Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
