Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
