i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize