it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
