Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
