The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
