I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
