if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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