Please, let me fuck your mom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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