Cold hands, warm shart.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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