I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
