I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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