Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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