i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
