im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
