At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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