Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
