they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
