She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
