how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
