I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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