This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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