Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
