the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
operation have a gay friend backfired
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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