Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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