just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
