you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
