We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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