What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
