He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
