I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
