Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
