Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks

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(210): View more from Texas

life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.

(210): View more from Texas

i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.

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(240): View more from Maryland

She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.

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