He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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