she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
