I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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