I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
