Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
