Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
