Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
