Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Everclear isn't food dammit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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