I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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